The best news of the week is that on Friday the plumbing work began, and Saturday, our plumbing was finally fixed completely. It was a fiasco but we're happy to report that its over. Mike's parents had a lovely baby shower for us on Saturday and we spent Saturday night recovering from the week and putting together the Bugaboo Gecko Stroller that we got at the last baby shower...what a cool stroller...but what a lot of pieces! Yikes! I don't think I will ever figure out how to fold it up!
So now we are 37 weeks along and only a few short weeks from the baby's due date and its interesting to look back on this blog/journal at some of the things I said we were thinking about and to see how my perspective has already changed...For example, I mentioned in a previous post that one of the things we have been thinking about is a "lying-in period" of two weeks with no visitors. Its still an intriguing idea, but now that we are getting closer to the baby's birth I feel nervous about committing to something that might potentially feel very isolating for a social person like me. So, while I think we will try to use the first two weeks (while Mike is home from work) as family bonding time (no household chores or entertaining only baby and eachother care) and will limit visitors in that first week to our immediate family (parents and siblings) members, I am also becoming more open to changing my mind about it all if I need or want to. I know we will need and want help but I also feel nervous that I might get overwhelmed by people trying to help, so its hard to know what the right balance is and how to plan for it...I guess I wont know really til the baby arrives! Perhaps we will take our parents and siblings up on their offers to come over for brief visits to help us with meal preparation, chores and extra laundry during that time, then hire a post-partum doula to come help me one or two days a week after Mike goes back to work...who knows!
Jan 28, 2007
Jan 25, 2007
I guess we have been nesting...the plumbing fiasco finally got me going I guess and I snapped and madly started purging and organizing. I touch-up painted the third floor steps and made a huge goodwill/giveaway pile, then I listed a ton of stuff on craigslist and cleaned up the house and organized the birth kit gear and the starter baby clothes. Last night with the help of Mike's brothers we got a new "loaner" couch from a designer friend who needs to store a leather sofa for about 6 months. Its a nice piece and it gives us some time to get rid of the uncomfortable daybed (selling it on craigs list) and really look around for a new couch without having to live with a huge empty space. We also visited the old loft we used to live in, and got a cart that we are trying to make into a changing table. This morning we interviewed a pediatrician and at noon the cloth diaper guy comes to deliver the first load of diapers and show me what to do. Tonight me and baby mcdunn are going to the orchestra with my mom while Mike gets some down time to putter at the house (he isnt feeling good or sleeping well poor guy). Tomorrow is (hopefully the beginnning of the plumbing work project, and Saturday is the 2nd baby shower (Mike's side) so I am sure I will be organizing all that stuff on Sunday. Next week I have a cleaning woman coming to help get the house cleaned up...Whew! reviewing that list makes me tired... yes... I would say that I am nesting!!!
I am trying to get this stuff done now so that next week I can begin to turn inwards and calm myself in preparation for the birth and baby....I can already feel that I am ready to pull in and be a little more reclusive which is exactly what is supposed to happen at this stage in the game.
One of my midwives was in Morocco last week to do a birth and she is keeping a blog -- and reading about her experience there has also made me realize that once this week is over and the plumbing thing is handled, I do indeed need to calm down and get a bit more centered, and so does Mike.
So, next week in addition to having someone else clean the house, I am getting a prenatal massage and getting my hair done...having lunch with a girlfriend I havent seen in a while...and mostly I will try to relish in not being sick anymore and in being grateful and appreciative for this magical time of my life when I am on the brink of this passage into motherhood. Next week is all about easy girly treaty stuff that will make me feel pretty and calmer and a bit quieter.
I am trying to get this stuff done now so that next week I can begin to turn inwards and calm myself in preparation for the birth and baby....I can already feel that I am ready to pull in and be a little more reclusive which is exactly what is supposed to happen at this stage in the game.
One of my midwives was in Morocco last week to do a birth and she is keeping a blog -- and reading about her experience there has also made me realize that once this week is over and the plumbing thing is handled, I do indeed need to calm down and get a bit more centered, and so does Mike.
So, next week in addition to having someone else clean the house, I am getting a prenatal massage and getting my hair done...having lunch with a girlfriend I havent seen in a while...and mostly I will try to relish in not being sick anymore and in being grateful and appreciative for this magical time of my life when I am on the brink of this passage into motherhood. Next week is all about easy girly treaty stuff that will make me feel pretty and calmer and a bit quieter.
Jan 22, 2007
Less than a month to D-Day!
Baby & Pregnancy update:
So, I am 36 weeks along...our baby is around 20.7 long and weighs about six pounds and according to my Obstetrician, the baby is now considered full term. My estimated due date is February 18th...but since most first babies are born later than the due date, I am trying not to get too anxious just yet, because it could be more than a month away still...I mean I might go to 42 weeks...who knows! But if I am anything like my mom, I may go into labor earlier than my due date...She went about 10 days early with both my brother and I...
Had a prenatal appt. with the "backup OB" this morning, and she was very very pleased. She measured my belly, listened to the heartbeat, looked at my protein and blood pressure, and said I was right on track. The baby is exactly the size that they should be at this point in the pregnancy, and the heartbeat is strong and normal. The baby is in a great position (head down, back and bottom easily felt at the top of my uterus). Hooray! I confess that I was somewhat worried about having a breech baby (which would mean a hospital birth would be mandated) so I have been doing a lot to try and help the baby stay well positioned -- I used the Spinning Babies theory of proper pregnancy posture, and since week 29 I have been getting chiropractic care from Jeanne Ohm, who specializes in pregnancy chiropractic care and the Webster technique....and it seems its all helped!
We also discussed postpartum care, my flu, and last minute emergency what-if's, and then she gave me the thumbs up for the home birth...Hooray! I am excited! And, tomorrow the midwives come for the 36 week home visit. They will check out the house, make sure I have all the supplies ready and we'll review everything for the birth. Since I also asked my mother to attend the birth, she will also attend the home visit so that she has more of a chance to get to know the midwives and to talk with Mike about how to provide support and divide the work during labor and delivery.
Other Life-Events Update
Well, the best of the BEST happened last week when our Sewer Curb trap broke, spewing raw sewage all over our basement floor. Fun Fun Fun. We are now waiting for the curb trap to be repaired, which is a very expensive (thousands of dollars) and in-depth job (involves waiting on the power company, sure-ing up a telephone pole, digging out the sidewalk eight feet down, etc..). Apparently this only happens about once every hundred years, and it happened on our watch. While we feel thankful that at least it happened last week and not three weeks from now, it is A BIT inconvenient to have no plumbing when you are 8 months pregnant. Until the trap is replaced, we have no plumbing in our house....so this week we are shacked up at my parents' condo while we await the utility company and plumbers. Ah how I LOVE old houses...Just LOVE them.
:)
Otherwise, we are doing okay. I have had a nasty cold for the last three weeks but my doctor insists it is something I will eventually get over and its nothing to worry about. Mike had a great ski weekend out in Colorado last week with his buddies Bret and Steve, and I am looking forward to the second baby shower which is this coming weekend - I admit that while I find myself very uncomfortable at the thought of showers, especially when its time to open gifts, it is really neat to get to see all the women in your community and family and have them gathered to help mark the passage into motherhood. And that is the part that I am looking most forward to for this weekend.
And, as for stuff, we really are pretty set, and I cant imagine how we could even be potentially getting more at this upcoming shower -- just last week, in fact, we got a free infant car seat (the best rated one) from our friends whose son just outgrew his, and we've got all the cloth diapers and newborn clothing needed for the first few weeks.
So, I am 36 weeks along...our baby is around 20.7 long and weighs about six pounds and according to my Obstetrician, the baby is now considered full term. My estimated due date is February 18th...but since most first babies are born later than the due date, I am trying not to get too anxious just yet, because it could be more than a month away still...I mean I might go to 42 weeks...who knows! But if I am anything like my mom, I may go into labor earlier than my due date...She went about 10 days early with both my brother and I...
Had a prenatal appt. with the "backup OB" this morning, and she was very very pleased. She measured my belly, listened to the heartbeat, looked at my protein and blood pressure, and said I was right on track. The baby is exactly the size that they should be at this point in the pregnancy, and the heartbeat is strong and normal. The baby is in a great position (head down, back and bottom easily felt at the top of my uterus). Hooray! I confess that I was somewhat worried about having a breech baby (which would mean a hospital birth would be mandated) so I have been doing a lot to try and help the baby stay well positioned -- I used the Spinning Babies theory of proper pregnancy posture, and since week 29 I have been getting chiropractic care from Jeanne Ohm, who specializes in pregnancy chiropractic care and the Webster technique....and it seems its all helped!
We also discussed postpartum care, my flu, and last minute emergency what-if's, and then she gave me the thumbs up for the home birth...Hooray! I am excited! And, tomorrow the midwives come for the 36 week home visit. They will check out the house, make sure I have all the supplies ready and we'll review everything for the birth. Since I also asked my mother to attend the birth, she will also attend the home visit so that she has more of a chance to get to know the midwives and to talk with Mike about how to provide support and divide the work during labor and delivery.
Other Life-Events Update
Well, the best of the BEST happened last week when our Sewer Curb trap broke, spewing raw sewage all over our basement floor. Fun Fun Fun. We are now waiting for the curb trap to be repaired, which is a very expensive (thousands of dollars) and in-depth job (involves waiting on the power company, sure-ing up a telephone pole, digging out the sidewalk eight feet down, etc..). Apparently this only happens about once every hundred years, and it happened on our watch. While we feel thankful that at least it happened last week and not three weeks from now, it is A BIT inconvenient to have no plumbing when you are 8 months pregnant. Until the trap is replaced, we have no plumbing in our house....so this week we are shacked up at my parents' condo while we await the utility company and plumbers. Ah how I LOVE old houses...Just LOVE them.
:)
Otherwise, we are doing okay. I have had a nasty cold for the last three weeks but my doctor insists it is something I will eventually get over and its nothing to worry about. Mike had a great ski weekend out in Colorado last week with his buddies Bret and Steve, and I am looking forward to the second baby shower which is this coming weekend - I admit that while I find myself very uncomfortable at the thought of showers, especially when its time to open gifts, it is really neat to get to see all the women in your community and family and have them gathered to help mark the passage into motherhood. And that is the part that I am looking most forward to for this weekend.
And, as for stuff, we really are pretty set, and I cant imagine how we could even be potentially getting more at this upcoming shower -- just last week, in fact, we got a free infant car seat (the best rated one) from our friends whose son just outgrew his, and we've got all the cloth diapers and newborn clothing needed for the first few weeks.
Jan 11, 2007
Mummers madness and why I will not be using Puffs Plus with Lotion or anything else with wierd chemicals on my baby
That's Mike with our adorable niece Maggie. They were jamming out to the mummers last Saturday, and enjoying the 70 degree weather! We had a great day.
And then like everyone who enjoyed too much mummering and unseasonably hot weather in January I got really really sick with a horrid cold. For three days I was down and out and barely coherent. And that brings me to the so-called miracle tissue...Puffs Plus with Lotion...turns out its not such a miracle tissue...its a nasty chemical laced piece of paper. After three or four boxes of puffs Plus with Lotion, and three days of constant nose blowing, I noticed that my face was unusually red and rashy. And then, on Wednesday night, I noticed that I was getting hives all around my face to the point where I had a red beard and mustache! Now when you are 8 months pregnant and feeling like a bloated cow, the last thing you really want is to be even more unattractive with a rashy red mustache. I was not happy. Ostensibly the rash was from something embedded in the tissues, because they were the only thing constantly touching my face for three days straight...I mean, I knew I was allergic to things with fragrance, but gee whiz, this was unreal. Thankfully a bit of aloe vera cooled down the rash and by this morning it wasn't quite a severe looking.
My tissue run-in was a good reminder that this new baby might also have sensitive skin...so any lotions, shampoos, disposable wipes or travel disposable diapers we use on the new baby are just going to have to be of a fragrance free nature.
Since we're planning on cloth diapering the new kid - for both environmental and budgetary reasons - I am not too worried about diaper chemicals, but as for the other stuff, I guess we'll probably have to look into everything and make sure that all of our washes/soaps/etc are fragrance free. Ah, a new challenge...just when I thought I was done worrying about the "stuff"...
Jan 8, 2007
Some pregnancy favorites
Freshbaby is a great resource that supports healthy eating habits for kids. They even have a new podcast and blog
Pregtastic - I love these podcasts they are funny and it is fun to listen to a bunch of pregnant women talk about the issues of immediate concern to them.
Mothering Magazine: This website has it all. I often check out the forums (which are very active) for good info and shared stories from moms who are into natural childbirth and other crunchy things like cloth diapering and whatnot.
Green Mountain Diapers: The ultimate resource for cloth diapering
Babble: An online magazine for parents by the editors of nerve.com
Labour of Love: Another interesting online parenting magazine
Families for Natural Living Philadelphia: A great online community of local folks and families interested in environmental issues and who support attachment parenting principles.
Baby Body Birth: The awesome birth class we took.
Pregtastic - I love these podcasts they are funny and it is fun to listen to a bunch of pregnant women talk about the issues of immediate concern to them.
Mothering Magazine: This website has it all. I often check out the forums (which are very active) for good info and shared stories from moms who are into natural childbirth and other crunchy things like cloth diapering and whatnot.
Green Mountain Diapers: The ultimate resource for cloth diapering
Babble: An online magazine for parents by the editors of nerve.com
Labour of Love: Another interesting online parenting magazine
Families for Natural Living Philadelphia: A great online community of local folks and families interested in environmental issues and who support attachment parenting principles.
Baby Body Birth: The awesome birth class we took.
Jan 6, 2007
Who is this adorable little man? This is our new friend Jay Heiny-Robbie, who came to visit this week with his parents, Matt & Jen. We met them when we all lived in Charlottesville - they still live there, but will probably be relocating to Northern parts before too long. We miss them dearly but had a wonderful visit! And Baby Jay is just awesome. What a cutie pie! He's just 12 weeks old and already a good traveler and houseguest.
The pregnant crew
So we spent LAST New Year's Eve (ringing in 2006) with two couples -- Laurie & Drew and Emily & Christopher -- and guess what...this New Year's, all three of us are pregnant and expecting babies! I am expecting in February and Emily and Laurie are both expecting in May. Must have been something in that creme brulee last year...
That's Laurie to the far left, then me, then Emily.
Jan 2, 2007
Happy New Year!
So the New Year's was lovely but exhausting. We had a small open house where some friends and some family stopped in to say hello, and then we went to a lovely five course dinner at friends' of my parents who had a terrific roof deck view of the fireworks! The Jan 1 Philadelphia Mummers Parade was postponed due to rain, and is now happening next Saturday. Thank goodness because I was pooped from NY Eve and now I can actually look forward t it.
So, the coming highlights of this/next week:
1) Our friends, Matt & Jen, from Charlottesville are coming through town today with their new baby Jay.
2) mike has off today thanks to Gerald Ford
3) Mummers Parade on Saturday
4) Eagles playoff game on Sunday
5) Ohio State in National Championship Game on Monday
January 2007 baby and pregnancy update:
At 33 weeks and a few days, I am getting very big. Last night, we unpacked inventoried and put away some of the tiny baby clothes and watched as the baby did a Riverdance of sorts on the side of my belly when I got in bed. As we were watching the performance, Mike said "I know they will be stinky and smelly at times, but gee, won't it be so fun to have this tiny little baby in our bed with us?". We both smiled and I agreed. It will be neat to actually get to know this child after all this time speculating about him or her.
As for the basic stuff, we are really doing fine and have a surprising amount of stuff already. We have lots of infant clothes, and we already got the bugaboo stroller and this cool highchair called the TrippTrapp, thanks to our generous parents. We even have an exersaucer and baby bouncy seat thanks to my friend Cindy who keeps handing me the brand new stuff from her last baby, Conor. But we still need to get a few basic things:
1) The carseat
2) The changing table and pad (we'll probably go to Ikea)
3) The crib mattress and some sheets
4) The little stuff -- washcloths, diaper pins, stuff like that
5) A breast pump (since I plan to go back to work part-time, I want to be sure we're set up to continue breastfeeding during that time, I also want others to be able to watch and feed the baby if need be)
We are trying to get lots done in the house and in life so that we can really turn our attention to Baby McD when he or she arrives. Mike is taking a ski trip to Colorado, I am booking myself for lots of concerts and dinners with friends so that we maximize the last few weeks pre-baby.
So, the coming highlights of this/next week:
1) Our friends, Matt & Jen, from Charlottesville are coming through town today with their new baby Jay.
2) mike has off today thanks to Gerald Ford
3) Mummers Parade on Saturday
4) Eagles playoff game on Sunday
5) Ohio State in National Championship Game on Monday
January 2007 baby and pregnancy update:
At 33 weeks and a few days, I am getting very big. Last night, we unpacked inventoried and put away some of the tiny baby clothes and watched as the baby did a Riverdance of sorts on the side of my belly when I got in bed. As we were watching the performance, Mike said "I know they will be stinky and smelly at times, but gee, won't it be so fun to have this tiny little baby in our bed with us?". We both smiled and I agreed. It will be neat to actually get to know this child after all this time speculating about him or her.
As for the basic stuff, we are really doing fine and have a surprising amount of stuff already. We have lots of infant clothes, and we already got the bugaboo stroller and this cool highchair called the TrippTrapp, thanks to our generous parents. We even have an exersaucer and baby bouncy seat thanks to my friend Cindy who keeps handing me the brand new stuff from her last baby, Conor. But we still need to get a few basic things:
1) The carseat
2) The changing table and pad (we'll probably go to Ikea)
3) The crib mattress and some sheets
4) The little stuff -- washcloths, diaper pins, stuff like that
5) A breast pump (since I plan to go back to work part-time, I want to be sure we're set up to continue breastfeeding during that time, I also want others to be able to watch and feed the baby if need be)
We are trying to get lots done in the house and in life so that we can really turn our attention to Baby McD when he or she arrives. Mike is taking a ski trip to Colorado, I am booking myself for lots of concerts and dinners with friends so that we maximize the last few weeks pre-baby.
Dec 26, 2006
Lying-in: Postpartum planning
After reading this great article on the practice of lying-in,
At rest in the arms of the mother: The postpartum practice of lying-in allows a mom to deeply bond with her newborn babes
by Katherine Gyles (see her blog here) we are beginning to consider a lying-in period of our own.
What is lying-in?
Lying-in is basically a time, immediately postpartum, where the mother and baby and dad are sequestered together and cared for by the father or other community members. The intention is to allow the mother to deeply bond with her newborn baby, to learn their cues and to learn how to breastfeed without any external pressure or visitors.
We found out early that our midwives prescribe two weeks of lying-in (and no stairs) for postpartum moms -- partly as a way to encourage them to stay in bed and bond with baby and also to heal. At first, I didn't think I could abide by this. But lately, as I get bigger and more tired, I understand why this prescription is a good idea... after all, you only have that first two weeks once in your and their lives. ...so why not close in and try to make it a special family bonding time? How could that NOT be beneficial? I have watched many a friend brag about how soon she was up and outta bed and 'back to normal', only to be really exhausting herself completely in the first six weeks postpartum. ...which brings us to a larger question: Why are women trying to pretend nothing happened when they have a baby? Why isn't it okay in our society to take some time to learn how to breastfeed, to sleep, and to bond with the new baby, keeping visitors at bay, until you have more rest and energy and a bit more of a hang for things?
Carol Gray, a grandmother and Doula in the Portland area, wrote a lovely blog entry about adequate postpartum care:
"Have we missed something by proclaiming that as women we can do it all - and do it well? What would it be like if each mother, surrounded by a cocoon of loving helpers, could rest and recover from birth at her own rate? Would it change the way we parent our babies? Would it change the way we think of ourselves as mothers? Would it change the bonds we form with our babies? Would the babies change? Who would those babies be as adults? Would they change the world?"
I just ordered this book about postpartum wellness. Can't wait to get it!
At rest in the arms of the mother: The postpartum practice of lying-in allows a mom to deeply bond with her newborn babes
by Katherine Gyles (see her blog here) we are beginning to consider a lying-in period of our own.
What is lying-in?
Lying-in is basically a time, immediately postpartum, where the mother and baby and dad are sequestered together and cared for by the father or other community members. The intention is to allow the mother to deeply bond with her newborn baby, to learn their cues and to learn how to breastfeed without any external pressure or visitors.
We found out early that our midwives prescribe two weeks of lying-in (and no stairs) for postpartum moms -- partly as a way to encourage them to stay in bed and bond with baby and also to heal. At first, I didn't think I could abide by this. But lately, as I get bigger and more tired, I understand why this prescription is a good idea... after all, you only have that first two weeks once in your and their lives. ...so why not close in and try to make it a special family bonding time? How could that NOT be beneficial? I have watched many a friend brag about how soon she was up and outta bed and 'back to normal', only to be really exhausting herself completely in the first six weeks postpartum. ...which brings us to a larger question: Why are women trying to pretend nothing happened when they have a baby? Why isn't it okay in our society to take some time to learn how to breastfeed, to sleep, and to bond with the new baby, keeping visitors at bay, until you have more rest and energy and a bit more of a hang for things?
Carol Gray, a grandmother and Doula in the Portland area, wrote a lovely blog entry about adequate postpartum care:
"Have we missed something by proclaiming that as women we can do it all - and do it well? What would it be like if each mother, surrounded by a cocoon of loving helpers, could rest and recover from birth at her own rate? Would it change the way we parent our babies? Would it change the way we think of ourselves as mothers? Would it change the bonds we form with our babies? Would the babies change? Who would those babies be as adults? Would they change the world?"
I just ordered this book about postpartum wellness. Can't wait to get it!
Dec 24, 2006
Disney Princesses and Baby Projectionists
Disney's rampant marketing to girls just plain offends me lately... this article in the Sunday New York Times What's wrong with Cinderella? really sums my feelings up well.
With the recent baby shower, the growing pile of new and hand-me-down baby gear and stuff that is accumulating in our home is growing into a daunting mass. People are asking things like "so is the nursery done?" and it seems to be causing some of my relatives great confusion when I say we aren't doing a nursery....my reasons for no nursery until baby comes:
The Projectionists
One funny thing about having a baby is how many people project their own feelings onto you and tell you what you will do when the baby comes or how "you will see and change your ways". When I hear this, I think to myself is that they either
1) dont know me that well, or,
2) dont realize how well I know myself.
An example: When I was a kid, I would watch my mom make the thanksgiving turkey and every year I would be totally grossed out. I would say "Mom, I will never make a turkey.Its too gross". And my Aunts and grandmother would say "oh, just wait til you are married, you will change!" and laugh as I insisted I would not change on the topic of turkey. Well, I have been married five years and I haven't changed about turkey.... I not only do not make turkey, on the very first thanksgiving we cooked, I actually made my very sweet loving husband take the freshly killed turkey to my mothers house to prepare it so I did not have to watch the ordeal or have the grossness touch my kitchen. I still do not do turkey. My Grandmom was wrong. I knew myself better than she thought I did.
And so back to the baby projectionists... some of our friends would have us believe that life is over and everything will be wrecked when the kids arrive.... they constantly rave about "getting the baby on a schedule" and babyproofing the house. They are also the ones who seemed to have every single possible baby gadget and toy sitting in their living room, to the point where their home seemed to be inhabited by no one but a roving band of little kids. They keep saying "you'll try to go without the coffee table bumper pads, but you'll see how it really is, and give up like we did..." But I still refuse to believe that we will be like that...just giving over the house to the kids...will we really?
Will I get defeated and give up? Will I become a control freak who is obsessed with getting the baby on a schedule, like they insist I will? Or do I know myself and my capabilities better than they think I do? At this point, I feel pretty confident that if I stick to my intuition and use my nanny experiences, and stop listening to others, I will be just fine. I plan to adapt to what the baby needs versus trying to fit the baby into my life, and I think we'll all encounter less stress with that approach. Life will change, surely. And my house probably wont be as neat, but if Mike and I have anything to do with it, it wont become a Toys-R-US either.
I admire my friend Molly who is the eternal optimist on the topic of pretty tablecloths. She always has pretty tablecloths on her table when I go there. The kids always spill stuff on them, but she just washes it and puts a fresh one on. She never replaces them with a plastic tablecloth or something 'more practical'. She never just gets rid of them all together. Her table always looks nice, and I love that about her.
With the recent baby shower, the growing pile of new and hand-me-down baby gear and stuff that is accumulating in our home is growing into a daunting mass. People are asking things like "so is the nursery done?" and it seems to be causing some of my relatives great confusion when I say we aren't doing a nursery....my reasons for no nursery until baby comes:
- Due to an odd house layout, we don't know which room to pick yet, and can't agree.
- We have a huge bedroom and plan to have the baby share our room/bed for at least the first few months
- We are superstitious.
- We know that the baby won't know/care that he/she is sharing our massive bedroom versus getting their own.
The Projectionists
One funny thing about having a baby is how many people project their own feelings onto you and tell you what you will do when the baby comes or how "you will see and change your ways". When I hear this, I think to myself is that they either
1) dont know me that well, or,
2) dont realize how well I know myself.
An example: When I was a kid, I would watch my mom make the thanksgiving turkey and every year I would be totally grossed out. I would say "Mom, I will never make a turkey.Its too gross". And my Aunts and grandmother would say "oh, just wait til you are married, you will change!" and laugh as I insisted I would not change on the topic of turkey. Well, I have been married five years and I haven't changed about turkey.... I not only do not make turkey, on the very first thanksgiving we cooked, I actually made my very sweet loving husband take the freshly killed turkey to my mothers house to prepare it so I did not have to watch the ordeal or have the grossness touch my kitchen. I still do not do turkey. My Grandmom was wrong. I knew myself better than she thought I did.
And so back to the baby projectionists... some of our friends would have us believe that life is over and everything will be wrecked when the kids arrive.... they constantly rave about "getting the baby on a schedule" and babyproofing the house. They are also the ones who seemed to have every single possible baby gadget and toy sitting in their living room, to the point where their home seemed to be inhabited by no one but a roving band of little kids. They keep saying "you'll try to go without the coffee table bumper pads, but you'll see how it really is, and give up like we did..." But I still refuse to believe that we will be like that...just giving over the house to the kids...will we really?
Will I get defeated and give up? Will I become a control freak who is obsessed with getting the baby on a schedule, like they insist I will? Or do I know myself and my capabilities better than they think I do? At this point, I feel pretty confident that if I stick to my intuition and use my nanny experiences, and stop listening to others, I will be just fine. I plan to adapt to what the baby needs versus trying to fit the baby into my life, and I think we'll all encounter less stress with that approach. Life will change, surely. And my house probably wont be as neat, but if Mike and I have anything to do with it, it wont become a Toys-R-US either.
I admire my friend Molly who is the eternal optimist on the topic of pretty tablecloths. She always has pretty tablecloths on her table when I go there. The kids always spill stuff on them, but she just washes it and puts a fresh one on. She never replaces them with a plastic tablecloth or something 'more practical'. She never just gets rid of them all together. Her table always looks nice, and I love that about her.
Does Christmas have to change with kids?
This is our first Christmas at home in five years. It was Mexico in 2001, San Francisco in 2002, Mexico again in 2003, and again in 2004, then Miami last year....
...So it feels interesting and different to be here at Christmas, and maybe it's the coming baby, but we both seem to be seeing Christmas this year through the eyes of parents -- we're suddenly noticing that our laid back friends who have kids all seem to have these very high expectations of what Christmas should be (including how the grandparents should act, etc...) and they seemed to be getting their kids so many gifts. It is as if they see this as THE time to create absolutely picture-perfect family magical memories... and I guess in hearing their stories, I find myself questioning what Christmas will be like for me when I am the parent of one or more small children. Will I change?
At the moment, we don't really do holiday gifts for anybody...we really never have. It may sound 'grinchy' but it is actually incredibly freeing. Between our families, we usually exchange one gift pollyanna-style within each immediate family. And of course, we buy some small gifts for our two-year old niece...usually books or music. But that is about it.
I feel that we're fortunate that our families agree that Christmas is special when we spend time together, not when we get and give gifts. But will kids change all that? Will we get caught up in the rampant consumerism that Christmas becomes for so many families with young kids? Will our Christmas traditions suddenly grow to enormous proportions where I feel compelled to make lots of cookies and get them tons of presents for the kids so their memories can compete with the movies and books and their friends?
The New York Times had some great articles on Christmas and the gift giving frenzy -- one I liked in particular was How do you Outgrow a 13 foot tree? ...Now I can't ever see myself taking the trouble to leave gifts on our roof but it illustrates the absurd levels some people will go to in order to make Christmas this really magical time for their kids. To me, the magic can be simpler than that...but to each their own.
...So it feels interesting and different to be here at Christmas, and maybe it's the coming baby, but we both seem to be seeing Christmas this year through the eyes of parents -- we're suddenly noticing that our laid back friends who have kids all seem to have these very high expectations of what Christmas should be (including how the grandparents should act, etc...) and they seemed to be getting their kids so many gifts. It is as if they see this as THE time to create absolutely picture-perfect family magical memories... and I guess in hearing their stories, I find myself questioning what Christmas will be like for me when I am the parent of one or more small children. Will I change?
At the moment, we don't really do holiday gifts for anybody...we really never have. It may sound 'grinchy' but it is actually incredibly freeing. Between our families, we usually exchange one gift pollyanna-style within each immediate family. And of course, we buy some small gifts for our two-year old niece...usually books or music. But that is about it.
I feel that we're fortunate that our families agree that Christmas is special when we spend time together, not when we get and give gifts. But will kids change all that? Will we get caught up in the rampant consumerism that Christmas becomes for so many families with young kids? Will our Christmas traditions suddenly grow to enormous proportions where I feel compelled to make lots of cookies and get them tons of presents for the kids so their memories can compete with the movies and books and their friends?
The New York Times had some great articles on Christmas and the gift giving frenzy -- one I liked in particular was How do you Outgrow a 13 foot tree? ...Now I can't ever see myself taking the trouble to leave gifts on our roof but it illustrates the absurd levels some people will go to in order to make Christmas this really magical time for their kids. To me, the magic can be simpler than that...but to each their own.
Dec 18, 2006
Updates
The most awful and tragic news is that my long time friend and college roommate, April Rodeheffer (now April Burbach), died on Friday morning, December 15, 2006. April was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer late last December and spent 2006 fighting that awful disease. She was 33 years old.
The weekend sadness and melancholy was broken up by a lovely morning visit with my friend Molly, followed by a baby shower party that my mom threw for me yesterday. It was so amazing to have so many women who have been there for the pivotal life moments in one room channeling their energy and joy towards this coming baby. The baby made out really well too -- got lots of delightful clothes, toys and goodies. And of course, the grandmothers went a little crazy and bought some of the big ticket items...so we got the stroller, and the high chair we'd been hoping for.
Speaking of the baby, this little one has been kicking up a storm! I am 31 weeks along. According to a weekly pregnancy calendar, the baby weighs about 4 pounds and is about 15 to 17 inches tall and the skin is becoming less translucent and bones are finally hardening at this point.
Also, I had my OB and midwife appointments this past week, and all looks great. My OB said (in the whole 10 minutes I got with her) "this baby is following the textbook" and "I am very happy with how this pregnancy is going", and the midwives, took a bit more time (1.5 hours on average) to review my diet and check the baby's size, position and fluid levels as well as explain how the baby is positioned. We also talked about pediatricians and started talking about the birth plans. Only 4 more weeks to go until I am 36 weeks and can get the absolute go ahead from the OB and midwives for a homebirth!
No real decisions on names for us yet. We like the same old ones we've liked for a while, but the truth is we will wait to decide on anything until after we meet this little one!!
The weekend sadness and melancholy was broken up by a lovely morning visit with my friend Molly, followed by a baby shower party that my mom threw for me yesterday. It was so amazing to have so many women who have been there for the pivotal life moments in one room channeling their energy and joy towards this coming baby. The baby made out really well too -- got lots of delightful clothes, toys and goodies. And of course, the grandmothers went a little crazy and bought some of the big ticket items...so we got the stroller, and the high chair we'd been hoping for.
Speaking of the baby, this little one has been kicking up a storm! I am 31 weeks along. According to a weekly pregnancy calendar, the baby weighs about 4 pounds and is about 15 to 17 inches tall and the skin is becoming less translucent and bones are finally hardening at this point.
Also, I had my OB and midwife appointments this past week, and all looks great. My OB said (in the whole 10 minutes I got with her) "this baby is following the textbook" and "I am very happy with how this pregnancy is going", and the midwives, took a bit more time (1.5 hours on average) to review my diet and check the baby's size, position and fluid levels as well as explain how the baby is positioned. We also talked about pediatricians and started talking about the birth plans. Only 4 more weeks to go until I am 36 weeks and can get the absolute go ahead from the OB and midwives for a homebirth!
No real decisions on names for us yet. We like the same old ones we've liked for a while, but the truth is we will wait to decide on anything until after we meet this little one!!
Dec 5, 2006
The Pre-Baby Vacation
...I encourage everyone to do it. Here we are in lovely Sanibel Island, Florida for a week of R&R. What have we been doing? Stocking up on sleep, visiting the hot tub (well Mike has bee visiting the hot tub, I just watch), swimming, walking, reading lots of good books and just hanging out together. Its been lovely so far -- a nice way for us to relax before the holidays, and to reconnect a bit as a couple before the baby comes. We've had time to discuss names (nope! not saying!) and the house projects we have to finish, all the other future changes we're about to encounter (known and unknown).Many people think we are strange for having waited so long to have kids...but really, we are, this week, feeling so fortunate to have been married five whole years and to have had all that time to work through marital and life challenges together, to have spent a lovely amount of time together as a couple, to have traveled, to have had so much fun by ourselves before we welcome a new member of the family into our lives. And while it will certainly be an adjustment to become a 'three some', we are really feeling like we are ready for this baby to make his or her entrance into our lives. We just feel so excited to know who they are and what they will be like, to show them the wonders of the world and take them on great adventures.
At this point, we're in Week 30 of the pregnancy, so we have about 10 weeks left. The baby is moving and grooving at night in my belly, and I am getting bigger by the minute. So far, I have gained about 20 pounds.
Nov 28, 2006
Cool stuff for kids and parents
Robin gave me this great calendar last year by the artist Nikki McClure. So as I looked for another one today, I found this cool first 1000 days baby journal she created. oooohhh ahhhh....Check out this lovely family tree at Mahar Dry goods... And then there are the adorable Farm Friends Finger Puppets which are really too cute for words...
Oh Joy is a great blog on all kinds of cool papers and artsy stuff.
Nov 23, 2006
Thanks and Appreciation
This Thanksgiving morning, I (Karin) am particularly thankful for having a year and life full of amazing opportunities and good friends, for having a partner who loves me and supports me and cooks yummy meals for me, for having a healthy pregnancy and an actively kicking baby growing in my belly, for having such amazing love and support from both of our families, and, most of all, for having the very difficult life experiences that have taught me to cherish every single day as if its your very last.
But this Thanksgiving Holiday also has a sad and bitterweet feel to it -- on one hand, I am thrilled and excited to gain a child and become a mother. On the other hand, as I gain a person in my life, it appears I must lose one as well. My college roommate and good friend, April, was diagnosed with Stage III Pancreatic Cancer almost a full year ago.
She's been fighting it like a stormtrooper but unfortunately the cancer is winning out. She's now getting hospice care, at home, to help her stay comfortable and to manage the pain. And while her strong willed and positive spirit is intact and certainly hanging in there, her body really seems to be slowly shutting down -- she is really having a very tough and painful time of things. April is just 33 years old, and today, she is at home, with her family gathered, for what is likely to be her last Thanksgiving holiday in this body and spirit.
In 1991, April and I met at Freshman orientation and decided to become roomates right away. We began our very first days of college at Ohio State together, and we had a blast. I will never forget our first OSU football game, where we had to sit in the famous "Block O" (the pep rally section) and how both of us hated it and left to go find other seats at halftime because they were making us do too much work (telling us to jingle our keys for a "key play", telling us to put on and take off different colored shirts to spell things to the rest of the stadium, etc...) The next week, we traded tickets with some kids from our dorm, and while we never again sat in Block O, we still became rabid OSU Football fans. In many ways my friendship with her was one of the most important and consistent female friendships I have had in my life thus far. Throughout the 5 years we were at OSU, our friendship saw us through difficult times, changing boyfriends, different friends, and difficult family situations but we always remained bonded in a special way. And though our lives took different paths and took us to different places over the years, she was, until now, really always there for me when I needed her... just a phone call away. Today she is still a phone call away, but its not really quite the same...and my heart is just aching that she is suffering so much today.
Even prayers and thoughts seem so inadequate...Cancer is just a miserable miserly mean awful invention, and no one should ever have to endure such pain and difficulty in their young life.
Needless to say, I am not in a cheery holiday mood... and because we havent seen much of one another due to a lot of travel (his and mine), Mike and I thought we needed a day together where we didnt have to interact with others and pretend to be happy. So we cancelled the tenative dinner plans we had, and instead, today we're staying home, making dinner by ourselves, watching some movies...rubbing my belly and watching the baby kick, and just spending some good quality time hanging out together....a day of rest, appreciation and contemplation.
Have a good Thanksgiving!
But this Thanksgiving Holiday also has a sad and bitterweet feel to it -- on one hand, I am thrilled and excited to gain a child and become a mother. On the other hand, as I gain a person in my life, it appears I must lose one as well. My college roommate and good friend, April, was diagnosed with Stage III Pancreatic Cancer almost a full year ago.
She's been fighting it like a stormtrooper but unfortunately the cancer is winning out. She's now getting hospice care, at home, to help her stay comfortable and to manage the pain. And while her strong willed and positive spirit is intact and certainly hanging in there, her body really seems to be slowly shutting down -- she is really having a very tough and painful time of things. April is just 33 years old, and today, she is at home, with her family gathered, for what is likely to be her last Thanksgiving holiday in this body and spirit.In 1991, April and I met at Freshman orientation and decided to become roomates right away. We began our very first days of college at Ohio State together, and we had a blast. I will never forget our first OSU football game, where we had to sit in the famous "Block O" (the pep rally section) and how both of us hated it and left to go find other seats at halftime because they were making us do too much work (telling us to jingle our keys for a "key play", telling us to put on and take off different colored shirts to spell things to the rest of the stadium, etc...) The next week, we traded tickets with some kids from our dorm, and while we never again sat in Block O, we still became rabid OSU Football fans. In many ways my friendship with her was one of the most important and consistent female friendships I have had in my life thus far. Throughout the 5 years we were at OSU, our friendship saw us through difficult times, changing boyfriends, different friends, and difficult family situations but we always remained bonded in a special way. And though our lives took different paths and took us to different places over the years, she was, until now, really always there for me when I needed her... just a phone call away. Today she is still a phone call away, but its not really quite the same...and my heart is just aching that she is suffering so much today.
Even prayers and thoughts seem so inadequate...Cancer is just a miserable miserly mean awful invention, and no one should ever have to endure such pain and difficulty in their young life.
Needless to say, I am not in a cheery holiday mood... and because we havent seen much of one another due to a lot of travel (his and mine), Mike and I thought we needed a day together where we didnt have to interact with others and pretend to be happy. So we cancelled the tenative dinner plans we had, and instead, today we're staying home, making dinner by ourselves, watching some movies...rubbing my belly and watching the baby kick, and just spending some good quality time hanging out together....a day of rest, appreciation and contemplation.
Have a good Thanksgiving!
Nov 19, 2006
27 Weeks
Here is what the baby is doing at 27 weeks...
This week he weighs almost 2 pounds and is about 14.4 inches long with his legs extended. He can now open and close his eyes, and he sleeps and wakes at regular intervals. He may suck his fingers, and although his lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with assistance — if he were to be born prematurely. Chalk up any rhythmic movement you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments and isn't bothersome to him, so enjoy the tickle. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now.
Holy crap! 27 weeks? Oh my gosh. Where did the time go? Its hard to believe that we're almost into the 3rd trimester, but then, no it isn't...because I definintely feel more pregnant these days....
Mike says "yes. the Bugaboo is going to be worth it. trust me"
He claims it is an excellent design. He claims that we can also use the basinette that comes with it like a portable moses basket, thereby saving ourselves from even more clutter. He claims that we can also use the stroller as a grocery cart and it will grow with our kid. He claims that it isn't a super fancy overpriced stroller because it offers so many advantages for city living that the others do not. I guess we shall see...
....Oh, and now that its been decided, which model of Bugaboo you might ask? The Frog, The Gecko or the Chameleon? I have not a clue....so stay tuned friends.
This week he weighs almost 2 pounds and is about 14.4 inches long with his legs extended. He can now open and close his eyes, and he sleeps and wakes at regular intervals. He may suck his fingers, and although his lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with assistance — if he were to be born prematurely. Chalk up any rhythmic movement you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments and isn't bothersome to him, so enjoy the tickle. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now.
Holy crap! 27 weeks? Oh my gosh. Where did the time go? Its hard to believe that we're almost into the 3rd trimester, but then, no it isn't...because I definintely feel more pregnant these days....
- There is just no more hiding the belly. It is big and getting bigger and more active by the day. I am feeling little feet and legs moving around in there, and it is very starnge and cool at the same time.
- My whole left side feels the stress of the extra 15 pounds I have gained so far. My back and my hips are rebelling....they keep saying "no! no!" every morning as I creak out of bed like a 90 year old. I am committed to buying a new mattress set this week and sure that will help (I am probably folling myself).
- I am now sleeping in a complete nest of pillows (including one of those crazy body pillows and one tempur-pedic pillow, which is becoming a good friend to me). Mike may as well be sleeping in East Berlin given the massive pillow wall I build around my body each night.
- I am now starting some kind of nesting thing. I feel the great need for massive cabinet re-organizations and house projects to get done. (Oh wait, that's not pregnancy nesting, that's just me every week)
Mike says "yes. the Bugaboo is going to be worth it. trust me"
He claims it is an excellent design. He claims that we can also use the basinette that comes with it like a portable moses basket, thereby saving ourselves from even more clutter. He claims that we can also use the stroller as a grocery cart and it will grow with our kid. He claims that it isn't a super fancy overpriced stroller because it offers so many advantages for city living that the others do not. I guess we shall see...
....Oh, and now that its been decided, which model of Bugaboo you might ask? The Frog, The Gecko or the Chameleon? I have not a clue....so stay tuned friends.
Nov 5, 2006
Pregnancy & Birth Plans: FAQ
As it gets closer to the 3rd trimester, I thought I would take some time to spell out some of our birth plans and reasoning right here...so this list is based on some of the most often asked questions we've heard from family and friends.
Q: Who is your doctor/Where will you be having the baby?
A: We're primarily using midwives. Christy Santoro and Karen Webster of WomanWise, along with their apprentice midwife Susi Delaney, are our midwives and we'll be having our baby at home with them. In addition to the midwives, we've also lined up a wonderful and highly regarded obstetrician at that same local hospital here in the city. Right now she's serving as a sort of "pregnancy consultant" to us, monitoring my pregnancy from a medical standpoint. In the unlikely event that I or the baby would need medical intervention in a hospital setting, she's going to be our go-to-physician. She's supportive of our choice to homebirth and as confident as we are that the baby being born at home with midwives will be a much safer and intimate family experience. We'll see her a few more times over the course of the pregnancy, and, hopefully won't see her at all after about 36 weeks! The primary function of our 3 midwives is to keep me and the baby safe; if we need more extensive medical care, they will be the first to suggest it, and we are just minutes from the Hospital we've chosen as a "backup"...and, should we need to go to the hospital for any reason, this "consulting" doctor will help to facilitate our entry.
Q: Why are you choosing homebirth? Isnt it dangerous?
A: Actually, home birth is statistically MUCH safer than hospital birth for healthy, low-risk women - which I am. Remember that pregnancy is not a disease, and birth is not a medical emergency -- it is a natural physiological process.
Q: Why on earth would you want to give birth at home?
A: To us, labor care is a totally personal and individual choice. There are many women, including me, who hope for a child-birth in which they, not the doctors, are in control. We want to have the information that will enable us to make our own decisions, to prepare ourselves for an experience in which we participate fully, and we do not wish labour and birth to be taken over by "managers". While Hospitals exist where all members of staff share this attitude, they are few and far between here in Philadelphia. Therefore, we have chosen the setting where we think we will be able to achieve the most focused concentration, positive labor support and in general create a situation which will foster the kind of inner confidence that is needed for a good birth.
Q: Who is your doctor/Where will you be having the baby?
A: We're primarily using midwives. Christy Santoro and Karen Webster of WomanWise, along with their apprentice midwife Susi Delaney, are our midwives and we'll be having our baby at home with them. In addition to the midwives, we've also lined up a wonderful and highly regarded obstetrician at that same local hospital here in the city. Right now she's serving as a sort of "pregnancy consultant" to us, monitoring my pregnancy from a medical standpoint. In the unlikely event that I or the baby would need medical intervention in a hospital setting, she's going to be our go-to-physician. She's supportive of our choice to homebirth and as confident as we are that the baby being born at home with midwives will be a much safer and intimate family experience. We'll see her a few more times over the course of the pregnancy, and, hopefully won't see her at all after about 36 weeks! The primary function of our 3 midwives is to keep me and the baby safe; if we need more extensive medical care, they will be the first to suggest it, and we are just minutes from the Hospital we've chosen as a "backup"...and, should we need to go to the hospital for any reason, this "consulting" doctor will help to facilitate our entry.
Q: Why are you choosing homebirth? Isnt it dangerous?
A: Actually, home birth is statistically MUCH safer than hospital birth for healthy, low-risk women - which I am. Remember that pregnancy is not a disease, and birth is not a medical emergency -- it is a natural physiological process.
- To review the latest british medical journal study about homebirth, click here.
- If you are interested in reviewing some information on the safety of homebirth, click here for a fact sheet.
- To see a list of books and web resources on homebirth, click here.
Q: Why on earth would you want to give birth at home?
A: To us, labor care is a totally personal and individual choice. There are many women, including me, who hope for a child-birth in which they, not the doctors, are in control. We want to have the information that will enable us to make our own decisions, to prepare ourselves for an experience in which we participate fully, and we do not wish labour and birth to be taken over by "managers". While Hospitals exist where all members of staff share this attitude, they are few and far between here in Philadelphia. Therefore, we have chosen the setting where we think we will be able to achieve the most focused concentration, positive labor support and in general create a situation which will foster the kind of inner confidence that is needed for a good birth.